The first time I saw Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, I knew I was destined to be her bitter, chubby knock-off. Just look at the above picture of me at age 18. Even at that age, I was totally molestable.
I was in a movie once. It’s called Warlock Moon and for 5 glorious seconds, I played a child zombie with poofy hair. It was written and directed by a shyster with a shiny, egg-shaped head and his long-haired, Filipino-ish, Jean-Claude-Van-Damme-looking assistant. He charged me $200 just to be in that stupid movie.
And yet, from that day forward, I’ve still managed to cocoon myself within the gooey warmth of my beloved b-movies and MST3k reruns. I’ve spent countless hours laying desperately in the dark, awash in the deliciously grotty must of Taco Bell Chicken Chalupas and the fuzzy glow of cheesy, VHS shock-o-rama dramas. And now, instead of hogging all this cheese and filth to myself, I’m going to share it with you; as well as some other striking subjects that catch my fancy.
So, if you’re looking to test the limits of your audio visual gag reflex or, merely trying to understand the machinations of a freelance writer rooting for gigs like a truffle hog, then check out my portfolio.
All the worst,
Leana DeSouza a.k.a. The B-Movie Brunette
P.S. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @BMovieBrunette.